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Plan a stress-free holiday season
by Bonnie Schiedel

December can be a tough month. Sure, there are the family gatherings, the excitement, the parties, the food, the gifts — but a little goes a long way. Too much stuff in too short a time, combined with all the hype and expectations that go along with the festive season, can add up to a not-so-merry few weeks. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Kwanzaa or Hanukkah, here are 5 ideas on how to make the most of your family time and keep your holidays joyous and relaxing.

1. Pick your parties

Take a cue from your two-year-old and add “no” to your vocabulary, advises Susan Newman, a social psychologist and author of the new book, The Book of NO: 250 Ways to Say It — And Mean It and Stop People-Pleasing Forever (McGraw Hill). “We’re all trying to do too much,” she says. “We’re buying the kids everything they ask for and trying to make everything happy and perfect. It doesn’t work.” One way to say no and stop stress is to be more selective about the parties you go to. If it’s fun for your family, go ahead, but if it’s a duty and a chore, think twice. “I really learned to say no and not overbook,” says Candice Cooper, a Cobden, IL mom of two daughters, age 5 and 11. “I used to worry that the kids would feel they were missing out on things, but it’s fine.”

2. Plan ahead

When it’s time to take your kids to a holiday potluck or open house, spend a few minutes ahead of time to figure out your game plan. If there won’t be many children the same age as your children, what can you bring to keep them entertained? Do they really need to wear the special dress shoes that pinch their feet and make them cranky? If you have a shy child, accept that he or she may stick close to you for part or all of the party. Cooper takes a few minutes to sit down with the kids and get a game, puzzle or video going.

Cooper’s kids are finicky eaters, so she inquires about menus ahead of time. If it’s potluck, she brings something she knows her kids will eat, but will also appeal to the rest of the crowd. If the host is taking care of the meal, her kids eat beforehand and enjoy the host’s dessert.

3. Do it together

Turn some holiday chores into fun family events. For example, Cooper’s family makes their own Christmas cards on the computer. Include some kid-friendly recipes on your menu. If your seven-year-old wants to mash the potatoes, call her the Mashed Potato Queen — she’ll love it. (When Newman’s son was six, he decided mixing the pie filling was his job. Now at age 23, it’s still his special holiday task.)

Involve your extended family. Cooper’s daughters go to their great-grandmother’s house to make cookies. They also make ornaments for family members each year, so everyone now has 11. Tip: label them with the year they were made.

4. Avoid the gimme-gimmes

In early December, Cooper’s daughters go through their toys and donate favorite ones, in good condition, to local charities. Rather than a mountain of presents under the tree, the family instead chooses to exchange three gifts each. Trish Binns, mother of a three-year-old daughter in Stratford, Ont., takes a similar approach. “I didn’t want my daughter to have this massive long list of things she wants from Santa — it seems greedy,” she says. Instead, her daughter asks Santa for one special toy, and the other items on her short list are purchased by her parents and grandparents.

5. Take a break

Make sure to carve out some time relaxing time together. It doesn’t have to be a whole day (although that would be wonderful!); 20 minutes will do. Read a holiday story together. Or snuggle up to watch a holiday film. Walk around the neighborhood to check out the lights. Consider spacing out your holiday get-togethers too. The Binns family alternates years — this year on one side of the family, the next year on the other — rather than having several holiday dinners crammed into 24 hours. “And Christmas morning will always be at our own house,” adds Trish.

Happy holidays!

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