I'm ashamed to admit that I once lost my 4-year-old in JCPenney. One minute I was looking through the racks and Matilda was hiding in the middle of them, and the next I was hysterically asking the checkout woman to make everyone in the store help me find my little girl.

We found her just outside the front door, staring at her shoes, refusing to acknowledge the gathering crowd. I threw my arms around her and sobbed with relief.

Unfortunately, the story does not end there. Matilda was confused and very worried about her weepy mommy. "It's okay," she said, her own eyes welling up and her voice shaking. "Look. I got you a present." And with half a dozen store employees looking on, my daughter reached into her pocket and pulled out a beaded bracelet, complete with sales tags, which she'd thoughtfully shoplifted for me while we were apart.

I guess I'd forgotten, in all the excitement, that we were still going through that little taking-things-that-don't-belong-to-us phase. Blushing, I handed the bracelet to one of the staffers who had dropped everything to help, muttered, "I'm very sorry," and "Thank you," scooped up Matilda, and hustled to the car.

The paralyzing fear of losing my child changed my perspective on her behavior that day. I was so grateful to see her safe and sound that my first instinct when I saw that bracelet in her hand wasn't "What a little thief" but "Aw, she stole that for me."

Sometimes it takes a little imagination (or a big dose of adrenaline) to be able to look at the bright side of bad behavior. But in many cases, the naughty, troublesome things our toddlers and preschoolers do demonstrate that they've hit a new ability or understanding and are showing it off – inappropriately, but showing it off all the same. While you still have to take action when your child misbehaves, there are plenty of good reasons to take heart, whether she's getting aggressive at a playdate or lying through her teeth about who spilled the juice.

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